Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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