i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
