Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize