I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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