I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize