3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
