is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
