She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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