i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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