i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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