I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
