Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
