wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
