Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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