During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
