Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
