So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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