i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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