We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
