i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
