WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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