Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
