I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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