i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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