meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
