I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
