they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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