she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
