Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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