take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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