He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
