Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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