nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
