If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
