I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
