I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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