I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
