Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
