I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
