i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
