I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
