3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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