I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
