Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
