No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
