I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
