Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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