just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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