Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
