Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
