but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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