i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
tell me about the eggs
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
