The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
