sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
