I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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