They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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