covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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