uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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