No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
