we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
