Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
