This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
