and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
