you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
