I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
