I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
