____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it hurts more in the daytime
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
