Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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