Say something about gay babies.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
