So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
