I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
