so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
