If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
