So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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